| Talk Show Appearances - 1997 | ||
| Today (NBC), Jan. 3 Late Show with David Letterman, Jan. 6 Rosie O'Donnell, Jan. 8 Tonight Show, Feb. 6 Clicking on the thumbnail images will cause larger versions of the images to open in a separate window.
Today is Bryant Gumbel's final day as co-host of the Today show, and the program is filled with many presentations and memories. There is naturally an air of sadness surrounding the program, but around 8:20 AM, Tracey appears on the set to counter that. "Things are getting far too bloody emotional around here!" she exclaims as she appears from backstage carrying a golf bag for Bryant. He's glad to see her, and they hug. She asks him to think of his departure in this way: he'll have a lot more time for golf. He makes fun of the Cockney way she pronounced "lo' more". The golf bag's not the only gift that she and husband Allan got for him (he's off-camera); the other gift is a golf shirt that happened to be on sale and that she thinks is horrible. Bryant doesn't think so, and neither does her husband, but she does. She said to Allan, "Let's get Bryant something horrible in the golf shop," to which he replies "There's nothing horrible in the golf shop." But she'll never agree with him there. She then offers Bryant a job: 13 shows on UPN, called "Coffee and Cream" ("What part will I be?" jokes Bryant [he's African-American -- RR]). She recalls the first time she came on the show to be interviewed by him -- he needed some warming up, she thought, so she proceeded to touch his legs. She does so again, noting that he seems to have put on a few pounds since then. She then does the same to Matt Lauer's legs; "he's next!" she says, and that was true, for Matt would succeed Bryant as co-host. In the meantime, Bryant has found a flask in the golf bag. Tracey didn't know it was there, but now she thinks of it as a nice little bonus. This leads to Bryant having more fun with the way in which she pronounced "little bonus". He pretends to sip from the flask as they go to break. 2. Late Show with David Letterman, Jan. 6
Dave introduces Tracey by mentioning her 5 Emmys [up to that date - RR] and her upcoming season of TTO. She comes on stage wearing a long dress and a long sweater to ward off the chill. One of the children from the previous bit was shivering backstage, she says. It'll teach them a lesson about life, comments Dave. He asks her where she's living now -- London, L.A., both? She's a citizen of the world like Topo Gigio, replies Tracey. She is back in L.A. now for the shows. She loves being in New York but has problems with the little white lights on strings that seem to be everywhere nowadays. It used to be that Tavern On The Green was the only place that had them before, but they've spread all over now, and they're a bit over the top to her. What else has she been doing? She's been seeing musicals, such as "Bring In 'Da Noise, Bring In 'Da Funk" and "Chicago". For the former, she and her husband felt so middle-aged and white at the show. They went backstage to meet the cast; she encouraged him to do some ebonics; he declined. And she was impressed by "Chicago" having two strong female characters. The conversation turns to vacations; their most recent one was a family affair in Las Vegas. Although kids can't gamble, they can play for tickets at arcade games -- sort of like gambling training. On her birthday, she caught Siegfried & Roy's show, though she thought it strange that they've taken to doing Borscht Belt jokes in their show. Dave asks if she spends most of her time in England now. Not really, but she does try to go back as often as possible. But the shows are done in L.A., for that is the best place to work. There's a brief lull, broken by Tracey suggesting a new toy idea: a Tickle Me Dave doll, only it'd have to be recalled because it would say "don't touch me, don't titillate me." They talk about her character Chic, a picture of whom Dave is holding. It can be tricky dressing as Chic, says Tracey, especially when it's bathroom time. She has to have someone go with her when she's in costume. Sometimes she's unable to keep the fake genitalia from falling into the toilet bowl. Dave asks how well known she is by the Royal Family. Not enough to get onto the New Year's honors list, she says -- we have Sir Paul McCartney, but no Dame Tracey. "It's not happening," she says [nor is it likely to happen anytime soon -- RR]. She recalls Prince Charles meeting her son Johnny, who was 5 at the time and was extremely sticky and dirty from doing whatever 5 year old boys do. Anyway, the prince shook his hand, but they briefly got stuck. At last comes an opportunity to plug the second season of TTO and HBO. HBO allows you to do things like having lesbian golfers kiss on the first show, she says; your regular network executives wouldn't really care for that. As the segment wraps up, she takes off the long sweater to show off the short coat she had intended to wear that night. The audience approves, and so does Dave.
As Tracey comes on stage, she tells Rosie that the Beck song she'd played earlier ("Loser") was actually off his first album, not his latest one. She has a 10-year-old daughter that makes her listen to stuff like that. Rosie asks about Mabel and how she's doing; Tracey says she's doing OK, that the hormone replacement theory is working (kidding). Rosie recalls meeting her when she was 4 or 5 and Rosie was working on a series being produced by Tracey's husband and Mabel's father Allan. Mabel posed as the young Rosie in a picture in the opening sequence to the show, it seems. Rosie recalls her sitting with the other extras, telling them that she would be taking over for Christina Ricci in Addams Family Values. But she's gone out of that phase, says Tracey; she wants to do something useful like be a nurse. And she wants her mother to stop using her as fodder for radio or TV interviews, or else she'll write a book about her! But she's at school now, says Tracey, so it's OK to talk about her. But what if she tapes it, asks Rosie; then it's trouble for Tracey. She then tells the story of how Mabel was going through a theatrical phase and was flying to see her perform in a play. Anyway, Mabel saw the flight attendant give her standard safety speech, then called her over and told her she was marvellous. Now it's equal time for son Johnny, who's 5 now and out of the drunk-midget stage, but Rosie's child is entering that stage. Rosie says that her kid can open the Fisher-Price toilet seat lock -- smart kid! This leads Tracey to comment on smart kids and gifted programs and how American that is. Why, in California, they have classes in advanced hugging! Mabel commented after her first day in an English school that the teachers didn't hug her. It's great working in L.A., says Tracey, but she tries to get back to London whenever possible. Mabel would like to see the Tower and the blood stains from where various wives of Henry VIII were beheaded. The conversation then turns to TTO and HBO. After a brief mutual-admiration thing between Tracey and Rosie, it turns out that there is no clip available to show. The show's rated G today, explains Rosie, so the clip wasn't suitable for airing on the program today. She's noticed something on Tracey's wrist and asks her about it. It is a popcorn injury, she explains; she was making popcorn for the kids in a copper pot, reached in too far and burned her wrist on the rim. Rosie is surprised that Tracey is going the old-fashioned route for preparing popcorn -- no microwave packets, no Jiffy Pop, etc. In fact, she calls the pan method prehistoric. Tracey's explanation: "I'm English!" Then she comments on how we Americans have so many appliances and says that Rosie can be so suburban sometimes. Back to Beck: Rosie had mentioned that she wouldn't mind having Beck on as a guest, but Tracey doubts that would ever happen. He probably doesn't get up before 2 in the afternoon, she says. Rosie was not familiar with Beck before today, she says; she thought Beck was a beer [which it is -- RR]. She then plays an excerpt from "Loser", prompting Tracey to get up and dance to it. "Look Mabel, let me embarrass you!" she goes. After the break, the final segment has Rosie stating that tomorrow's guests will be Madonna and Lauren Holly. Tracey calls Rosie "suburban" again, to which Rosie tells everyone "I'm a nerd, get used to it!" And on that note, the show ends.
Jay Leno and company are in Las Vegas this week. Dennis Rodman, Jay's first guest, remains on stage as Jay introduces Tracey, who is carried onto the stage and placed in her seat by two well-sculpted and well-oiled bodybuilders. She complains about their oil getting onto her clothes but not about their washboard stomachs; they've been using their Ab Rollers, it seems. She likes coming to Vegas for adult nights out. She attends the boxing matches that HBO sponsors, frequently sitting near the front row and getting the occasional spattering of blood. She also likes to gamble a bit, particularly the haywire machines. Winning $750 in 5 minutes once got her hooked on them. The conversation then turns to her Christmas vacation visit to Vegas, which was an entire family affair. The kids enjoyed flying to the Grand Canyon, although Mabel lost an earring there. Back to gambling: fulfilling Tracey's wishes, Jay pays her for her appearance tonight in chips. She'll be going haywire tonight! But before she does that, she complains about the hostesses at a certain Roman-themed casino. There needs to be an age limit for them, she says; seeing a 65-year-old woman in pantyhose wandering around Caesar's is just not right. Also not right is the practice of putting blonde braids (the ones that pull up through the hair -- the so-called gladiator wench look) onto brunettes. The conversation then turns to this week's episode of TTO, which happens to be about Las Vegas. She and her crew spent a week up here filming, Tracey says. The action is set at a made-up resort, the Old Testament Casino and Towers, with such features as the Adam and Eve Rib Joints, the out-front spectacle of Noah, the ark and the flood (every 20 minutes), and the lights in the rooms that turn on upon the command "Let there be light!". It turns out that there are plans to build an actual Biblical theme park in the area called the Holy Land. She reads from the flyer that "knowledgeable interlocutors guide visitors through the Book of Revelation." Using Fern's voice, she comments that Jews aren't into the New Testament. Back to the show: they did work with tigers, but Siegfried and Roy are not directly mentioned. This gives her an opportunity to imitate Roy and to observe that every time they've come on, their codpieces seem to have gotten bigger. She turns to Dennis Rodman and asks if he's seen the show; he hasn't, so she recommends he do so. "The only Germans we ever wanted to see," she says using Fern's voice. Jay asks if she ever gets recognized while filming. No, not usually, for she's made up and in costume. She then talks about Chic's costume, his curly beard and wig, with hair that has a pubic quality to it. She then wonders if you can say "pubic" on TV (apparently so, for it's not bleeped out). She tells the story of an Australian couple who were watching the filming. The wife asks who's that filming over there, and the husband replies, "That's Tracey Ullman - she's a freak, let's leave", not realizing that she was standing almost right next to them. She turns back to Dennis and asks if he's ever gotten that sort of response; not really, he replies. She continues to talk to him, saying that it'd be tough looking like this in a little town in Alabama. He agrees, then says that she's having a conversation with him over there and she's a bit hard to understand. Jay observes that Dennis has a bit of a pubic beard thing going, and Tracey congratulates him for saying "pubic." The next segment is a magic routine from Lance Burton. During the course of it, a swordsman rushes the stage. Lance implores him not to harm Jay but pulls Tracey out front, ostensibly into harm's way. But it's a gag; the swordsman is part of the act. Jay and Tracey move out of the way and the act continues. Afterwards, when Lance is seated, he tells Tracey that he can imitate Siegfried, which he proceeds to do. This prompts Tracey to do some more imitation of Roy. Then Lance asks if she can imitate Penn, for he can do Teller. But anybody can do Teller, for he's silent on stage! Prepared by Roger Reini |
